Rights of a wife upon her husband

Look what i sent him muahahhaa

12 Rights of a Wife upon Her Husband

1. To spend upon her, to feed her. Not to be excessive in this and not to be stingy.

2. To be kind to her.

The Prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhī wa-sallam) said: “The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife.”

3. Not to harm her.

4. To be loving to her, examples:

(A) Loving to her with your tongue. Nice words, tell her you love her. Tell her how good she looks.

(B) If your wife asks you to get her something and you can’t get it , say I’ll get it in shaa’ Allāh.

(C) That the man beautifies himself with that which is reasonable, (not intimating women).

(D) From being loving to your wife is that you help her with housework. This is from the example of the prophet (ṣallallāhu ʿalayhī wa-sallam)

(E) That he is to be playful with his wife.

(F) Sharing food with her.

(G) To cuddle with her.

(H) Sleep under the same cover.

(I) they would bathe together:  

On the authority of ‘Āʿishah (raḍī Allāhu ʿanhu) who said: “I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: “Leave some for me, leave some for me!’ She added: `We were in a state of Janaabah (i.e. the state of having slept together).'”[Al-Bukharee and Muslim].

5. That the men must not curse or swear at his wife, or insult her appearance.

6. A man must not boycott her and if he does (for a valid reason) he should do it inside of the home.

7. A man should not expose the secrets of his wife

“Verily among the worst people before Allāh on the Day of Judgement is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets.” [Muslim, Ibn Abī Shaybah, Aḥmad and others].

8. A man should not hate his wife. Exalt the good and minimise her shortcomings.

A man should not be angry at her faults and should look at her good. To look only good in her.

9. That he should make things easy upon her e.g. The chores and what he requires from her.

10. He should have the best manners with his wife. His wife should see the best of his manners. It is said that some men have the best manners out in the market , but when he goes home he is a ferocious lion! Kind to strange women in the markets but not to his wife in the home. The best of you are the best of you to your wives. There is no good in you if you want to help your friends but not your wife, there is no good in you if you are kind to your friends and not your wife. Combine the two , and that is good.

11.  That the husband should be a reason for his wife to be saved from the hellfire. He should teach her and order her to forbid the evil and enjoy the good. Forbidding her from that which will lead to hell fire.

O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allāh in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.

12. That the man should have some type of jealousy for his wife.

Jealousy of protecting her from evil, not for her to be exposed to strange men , not for her to speak to strange men etc.  but not the abusive jealousy…

[ https://www.troid.ca/women/nikah/1720-the-rights-of-the-wife%5D

Breaking down

We don’t love each other
Hes never loved me
and I’ve lost all the love I had for him.

I thought we’d be happy
Hand in hand
Arm in arm.

I want us to fix
So we can be happy
But nothings gna fix if we keep up the
Separate lives & distance.

He’s got his walls up all around
With no ladder for me to enter
But heres the  catch… there is a ladder.
Only I must earn it.
Live, how he wants me to live
Act, how he wants me to act
Say, what he wants me to say…
Nothing more.. nothing less.

I didn’t sign up for this.
I signed up for
Sharing, for togetherness
For equal love
For desire & want.

Hes indifferent.
I leave, who cares
Just get another girl.

I don’t know how ready I am
Or how long i can keep at it
A part of me tells me, i deserve better
I deserve a man who loves. Who wants.

The pain, the hurt
Isn’t worth the struggle to become close
Because who said there’s a guarantee..
Who said change will happen
Who said love will reignite… (or ignite in his case)
No one said.
There’s no guarantee
And it’s not worth the risk

Latest trick

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‘Hes right’, ‘hes right’, ‘hes right’… rings over and over in my head as I’m faced with the wrongest thing he says or does.

It calms me a little, a paradigm shift, you could say. Perhaps in all that wrongness there is some right.

I continue to repeat the mantra, till a smile creeps on my face, my breathing is relaxed and my tone is calm, “Oh that’s nice”, I say. I’m pleased with myself for breaking through my judgemental approach, surprised even that I could utter words of support despite it not being my cup of tea.

He’s delighted, and perhaps taken slightly aback at my sudden support, perhaps he was ready to place his guard up, sure of a negative comment, or tone, or face in response. He eases, and proceeds to tell me more.

It’s done good things for me, my new mantra. And even though he isn’t actually right at all times, it definitely allows me to respond calmer, less defensive & more positively.

That’s my latest trick..:)

a perfect world

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In a perfect world
my floors would be moped and
my caprets hoovered.
my laundry washed and hung to dry
food would be cooking while I get myself dressed and ready
ironing for the week all done and dusted
now for the make up and perfume
just before husband arrives.
the table’s set, food piping hot.
we eat, we laugh, we share our days
kitchen cleaned, dishes washed and dried
it’s the end of the day and time to retire.
such a perfect day in a perfect world.

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