Tags
blogging, change, decisions, difference, exciting, experience, ideas, personal, poems, wordpress, words, writing
I miss blogging.. just random, little stuff that happens here and there.
I know it’s better this way though.. to use this simply for writing, but yeah I’ve decided I won’t write unless it comes naturally.
I remember the first time I experienced a ‘poem’ [i don’t rly like to label my work as poems because it’s soo degrading to poets lol] running through my head.. like words, they were rolling and rolling and more were coming, and I remember feeling so excited and confused at the same time.. baffled and unsure how to deal with it. So I scurried to my drafts and I remember furiously typing out it all. they just flowed out.. and it didn’t stop until the end of the poem. I must have written about 4 para’s in 4 mins.. if not less.
That’s how I started writing.. because I was experiencing that more often, sometimes 2-3 times a day and it was fun. I enjoyed it, even though I didn’t think it came out great.. a lot of me didn’t mind because I was a beginner.. because my whole life I had raised my hands and asked my Lord to grant me the ability to write.. and for the first time in my entire life I felt that duaa was answered. Sent shivers down my spine tbh.
But now I think I’ve gotten too excited.. and sometimes a little carried away by the encouraging comments and the admiration from so many people [and I can never distinguish whether it is out of kindness from friends or a genuine ‘that was a real good poem’], and it sweeps me into a world where I begin to think, ‘hey, I might not be so bad after all’. And I’m on this cloud or whatever you want to call it where I try to write and write.. and that’s where the problem comes in. I’m now forcing words more than I feel them rolling around in my head one after the other..so they come out less naturally.. and it takes more time to have something written. I believe, I am better at writing things like this.. just, you know.. talking. I get the message across and can sometimes be motivational or whatever. But my ‘poems’ don’t do that… they have little impact and are less thought provoking probably because of my limited vocabulary and little exposure to books and poetry.
I guess I’m going to stop the forced words and I will wait until they come naturally.. even if it’s once in two days or once a week. I doubt that though because of the many thoughts and feels trapped within my head. We’ll see. If anything, I will have more posts like this.. personal, long, but important for me, inshaAllah
I will also try and do the writing prompt challenge.. but not religiously, as in.. if I feel nothing comes naturally when I see the title.. I will not force it and may just not post for that day. Yeah, I think that’s a pretty reasonable enough decision~